Emotional abused *must read*
Are u emotionally abused? This is a serious matter which u really have to think about it. To consider whether ur partner emotionally abuses u, look at the information available on physical abusers. The patterns are similar:
* She has an intense temper, triggered by minor frustrations and
arguments.
* Her sense of power or control depends on her partner’s acquiescence and his performance per her demands. She feels “in control” only if her partner is totally passive and giving in to all of her preferences and decisions.
* She expects him to behave according to her expectations of what her partner
should be like; perhaps the way her parents’ marriage was, or its opposite. She demands that he change to accommodate her expectations.
* She projects the blame for all relationship difficulties onto her partner. She wouldn’t get angry if only he would be who she wants him to be… She wouldn’t drink if he didn’t make her unhappy… She denies the need for counselling because there’s “nothing wrong with her, only with him.” She might not want him to get counselling because she’s threatened by the threat of an outsider “taking sides” with him.
* She may be described as having a dual personality — she is either sweet or exceptionally cruel and sharp. She is selfish or generous depending on her mood.
* A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. She can be sweet, calm, charming and convincing.
* The mate is usually a symbol. The abuser doesn’t relate to her partner as a person in his own right, but as a symbol of a significant other. This is especially true when she’s angry. She assumes that he is thinking, feeling, or acting like that significant other — often her father (or other family member or authority figure).
An abusive partner will railroad discussions, so that you don’t have time to think about what’s right and what’s wrong in their behavior. Take a moment to
consider these questions. Your partner might have behaved as though these
things were okay, even though it’s obvious that they aren’t okay…:
Do you feel that you can’t discuss with your partner what is bothering you?
Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?
Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?
Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance (clammed up) and being very close?
Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?
Are you afraid of your partner?
If yes….GET HELP!
